


A Promise Made to the Moon

by tragicsparkles



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alright so it's basically everyone, Alternate Canon, F/M, More characters to be added as we go, Slow Build, well its mostly slow
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-03
Updated: 2016-05-16
Packaged: 2018-05-24 13:37:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6155383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tragicsparkles/pseuds/tragicsparkles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ellana Lavellan has secrets. Secrets that couldn’t be entrusted to these humans that had, just days before, held her prisoner and called for her death. Now they call her the herald of their god, she’s fighting a war she never wanted to be a part of, and all she wants is to protect the ones she loves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Intricacies of Letter Writing

**Author's Note:**

> Oooh boy here we go. I'm not sure yet how long this is going to be, or how often I will update it, but I have a writing bug, time and a lot of caffeine.  
>   
> This isn't beta'd so if you find any mistakes, please let me know. I really appreciate it.
> 
> (Lesley, if you're currently reading this, finish the damn game before you spoil yourself).

Ellana sat on the stone wall, watching the goings on around her, occasionally shivering in the cold wind. The dwarf named Varric had been around earlier, talking to her as they shared the warmth of the fire. He left for the tavern when it started getting colder, grumbling about high altitudes and parts of him that weren’t meant to get cold. He invited her along with him, but she refused. Being closed in around so many people still made her nervous. At least when she’s outside, she got the illusion of being free.

From her spot on the wall, she could hear swords clashing. She closed her eyes, picturing the soldiers running drills under the watchful eye of Commander Cullen. She had spent her morning there, excited about having a place to practice with her bow and daggers. She imagined that each dummy she shot an arrow into was one of the _shems_ responsible for her being unable to go home. It was a great stress reliever, though it was probably best if she didn’t share what was going through her mind.

Ellana had always felt calmest when she had a weapon in her hand. She wasn’t exactly sure what that said about her.

Opening her eyes again, she looked down at the crumbled paper in her hands. Ellana re-read the letter, though she doesn’t know why she bothers. She already knew it by heart.

 

_It has come to our attention that a member of our clan is being held captive by your Inquisition._

 

Ellana snorted. _You don’t know the half of it, Keeper_.

It had definitely started that way. She was terrified when she woke up, chained and being interrogated by two human women. She had no memory of what happened before. All Ellana could remember was running and wrinkled hands and bright lights. There was nothing concrete, nothing to give her an idea of how she got there.

Ellana looked at the Mark on her hand. This was all that had saved her. Sure, it was killing her too, but it saved her. People were calling it a gift from Andraste and that she was her Herald. The same people that had been glaring at her just a few days before were now calling her their saviour. She didn’t believe a word of it, but if that was what was stopping the _shems_ from casting her out, then she would play nice.

She snorted again, trying to imagine what her siblings would think about her playing along with the human’s beliefs.

“Something funny _da’lan_?”

Ellana jumped and looked up to see Solas standing beside her, amusement twinkling in his eyes. She quickly stood up, hands fumbling as she tucked the letter away in one of the pouches at her waist.

“How long have you been standing there _ha’hren_?” Ellana asked, the words coming out more accusing than she meant them to.

“Not long, there is no need to worry,” He said, not seeming bothered by her tone. “Still trying to decide how to reply back to your clan?”

Ellana let herself relax next to him as she looked back over Haven. The mage had been a surprising comfort to her here. Even though he had shown his distaste for the Dalish, Solas still reminded Ellana of home. She enjoyed talking to him, listening to his stories and being able to speak her own tongue to someone who understood.

She tried to do the same with Sera, since she reminded Ellana so much of her sister. That mischievous glint in her eyes and smirk that just screamed “trouble maker”. She made the mistake once.

Solas had seemed genuinely surprised when she first started asking questions. The surprise gave way to soft smiles and amusement when she would question him further. He admitted to her later that he did not expect a Dalish to be so accepting of what he was saying.

Ellana had always been curious, always questioning things. Her older brother was the serious one, readily accepting what the Keeper told them as truth and respecting his duties as First. Her sister was always the center of attention, the loud and happy one. She was constantly causing trouble and getting Ellana pulled into it with her. But even she accepted the teachings without argument.

Ellana… just couldn’t. She always wanted to know more, wanting to know the why. It had caused a lot of stress between her and the Keeper. It also was one of the reasons she had been sent to the Conclave. The Keeper had figured her curiosity and desire for knowledge would be best suited for spying at the gathering. That, along with… other motivations.

Ellana just hoped that it wasn’t her curiosity that got her into this mess in the first place. She turned back to Solas, who was patiently waiting for her response.

“Yes. I admit, it’s difficult to explain what’s happening on paper.”

“That’s understandable. You’ve been thrust into a powerful position by those who originally condemned you. And now, you hold what is possibly the only way to close the Breach that threatens us all. It’s not an easy thing to explain,” he said, nodding to the Mark on her hand.

Ellana sighed, holding out her hand in front of her. “I guess all I can do is try and pray that my Keeper will understand.”

They stood side by side a little while longer, the Chantry looming behind them, watching as the sun gradually started to set. Ellana looked up, and saw the beginnings of the moon starting to appear. She could feel a lump rising in her throat and she pushed it back down.

“I have been putting this off for too long. If I do this now I might be able to send it off with one of Leliana’s people in the morning,” Ellana turned to Solas, allowing herself to smile. “Thank you, _ha’hren_ , for the company.”

Solas looked at her for a moment, before giving her a small smile. “Of course _da’lan_ , always.”

She watched him turn and walk away, grateful that he did not mention the obvious tears that threatened to spill over. Ellana turned away also, heading to the small cabin that she was given. She missed the look that Solas gave her over his shoulder.

When she reached the warmth of the cabin, Ellana shivered. She didn’t realize how cold she had gotten.

She looked at the mirror and scoffed at her appearance. She wiped at her eyes and undid her hair, letting the brown locks fall down her back. She brushed through it as she sat down at her desk, pulling a blank piece of paper towards her and a bottle of ink and a pen. She took the letter out of its pouch, smoothing it out as she laid it in front of her.

 

_...it would ease our concerns to hear from her to know that she remains with the Inquisition of her own will._

_We await your reply,_

_Keeper Istimaethorial Lavallan_

 

Ellana picked up the pen, hesitating for a moment before dipping it in the ink and putting it to the paper.

 

_Dear Keeper Deshanna,_

_There is no need to worry about me. I am alright. At first, I was a prisoner, but I am not one any longer. In that respect, you don’t need to worry. But I admit that things have changed and a threat looms that will affect all of us. You were right, what happens at the Conclave wouldn’t just affect the humans._

_I am afraid that it isn’t going to be getting much better anytime soon. I have to stay for at least a little while longer. I am needed here and there are things that I have to see through._

_I’ve been looking at the Moon and wondering. Is the Moon back at the clan as bright as when I left it?..._


	2. Target Practice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Isn't writing with ADHD fun?

Ellana inhaled deeply, breathing in the clean air. They had reached the Hinterlands that morning. Their journey had been slow. The only horses that had been available were old, and not used to travelling long distances with riders. They were forced to make frequent stops so that the poor things wouldn’t drop dead.

It was one of the many reasons they were here in the first place. They needed fresh mounts.

Ellana patted her mare as she quietly ate some grass. “Let’s hope this Dennet is able to help us. Then you might be able to retire,” she murmured quietly. The horse only snuffed and continued eating.

She looked over the Inquisition camp that had recently been established and sighed. There was just so much that they had to do. Ellana quickly spotted Cassandra talking to a scout. Cassandra saw her looking and beckoned her over. She patted the horse once more and walked over.

“Herald,” she said, “it appears that there are some Templars and mages fighting not far from here. We will need to get through them to get to the Crossroads and Mother Giselle.”

“Alright,” Ellana said, nodding. “Grab Varric and Solas, and we’ll head out immediately.”

\-----

Both the mages and the Templars didn’t seem to care that they weren’t with either side. Neither did they seem to care about the villagers running around them trying to get out of the way. They didn’t listen to Ellana when she had shouted at them, saying that they were with the Inquisition.

If anything, it just made them stop attacking each other and go after her.

“Was this part of your plan?” Varric called to her as he put a crossbow bolt into a Templar running towards him.

“I admit it wasn’t exactly what I was hoping for!” Ellana yelled back at him. She focused her bow on a Templar that was coming up on Cassandra. She released the string just as she saw a mage cast a spell towards her in her peripheral.

She quickly prepared another arrow when a barrier was cast around her, deflecting the spell. She shot the arrow into the mages neck before looking around, catching Solas’ eye. He gave Ellana a quick nod, and she returned it with a lazy salute before taking out her daggers and throwing herself back into the fight.

Ellana managed to take out a couple more mages and Templars before losing her daggers to a particularly annoying Templar. Forced to take out her bow again, she nocked an arrow, aiming it towards the Templar fighting Cassandra. She was just about to let it fly when she heard screams from behind her.

She turned around and saw a Templar pulling a small boy away from what she assumed was his mother. She aimed her bow at him, ready to shoot her arrow, but stopped when she saw the small dagger pressed to the child’s throat.

Ellana heard Cassandra’s victory cry as she cut down her opponent, and Varric quietly say “Shit,” behind her and realized that the fighting had stopped. Sparing a quick glance around, she saw that everyone they had been fighting was dead. This man was the last one left.

_Beware the desperate man._

Her Keeper’s words ran through her mind as she looked at the Templar in front of her. He looked scared. His hands were shaking, but the child was crying and his mother was still screaming.

They looked at each other, neither one moving or speaking. She raised her bow, but the Templar pressed his knife harder into the child’s throat. Ellana’s anger rose as the boy cried out and she saw a trickle of red.

 _This has gone on for long enough._ She aimed her bow again, watching as the man quickly tensed. Before he could do anything else, she released the arrow, burying it into his shoulder. The impact forced him to take a step back, and he dropped the dagger. She aimed her second arrow at his eyes peeking out through the slits in his helmet.

She didn’t miss.

Ellana didn’t allow herself to relax until the boy was back in his mother’s arms. The woman was saying, “Thank you,” over and over but Ellana was looking at dead man on the ground.

Varric whistled low beside her. “That was.. That was some pretty impressive shooting.”

She bent down to retrieve her arrows, grimacing at the sound when she pulled them out. As she straightened out, she noticed Solas giving her an appraising look. She raised her eyebrow at him, but instead of saying anything, he simply turned and walked towards some of the injured.

Ellana watched him for a minute before looking over to the battlefield. Templars and mages alike lay on the ground, soaking the earth with their blood. She walked through the dead, searching for the daggers she lost earlier. Ellana noted how many had her arrows sticking out of them.

_Desperate men should beware of me._

\-----

He went from injured to injured, lending his magic where he could. Solas was no stranger to battle, and no matter the age, it was always the innocents who suffered. He focused on his task, but his eyes kept being drawn to her.

Ellana was crouched in front of the boy she had saved earlier, having just finished talking to Mother Giselle. She was smiling warmly at him, and Solas could see that the child was laughing. He couldn’t help but notice how beautiful she looked in that moment, but quickly pushed those thoughts away.

Her expression was a lot less guarded than he had ever seen it and it made her seem… younger, and far from the person she had been on the battlefield.

When she fought, she moved with a deadly grace that Solas had not seen for a long time. Ellana used her weapons like they were an extension of herself, and cut her enemies down with precision and a cold calmness. She never hesitated.

As Solas watched her play with the young boy, he wondered what could have happened to her in her short life to make her fight like she had nothing to lose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is just about finished, I just need to sort out the ending. I recently start a second job and the hours are kicking my butt. It's kind of nice to have something to work on that isn't... work.


	3. Your Name Like A Whisper

Many years ago, when her brother had been named First, Ellana had asked him a lot of questions about magic. How it worked, what it felt like. What can he do, did he have limits? Would it be possible to summon snow, fire and lightning together and make a tornado to cast at his enemies? Can he fly? Can he make  _ her  _ fly? 

He always answered them, as any good big brother would do… with varying levels of patience. 

As the years went by, she tried to read as many books on the subject as she could. Though, living in a Dalish clan meant that they weren’t easy to come by. Often they were borrowed without permission from her Keeper.

Later still in Haven, she asked Solas as many questions as she could about magic and the Fade. She was fascinated by the subject, and happy that she had found someone willing to stand her curiosity. 

Overall, Ellana Lavellan considered herself to be in no way ignorant on the subject of magic. So when she met a Tevinter mage who talked about time magic, she was fairly certain that it could not be possible. 

She was really starting to rethink that. 

“Of course! It’s not simply where - it’s when!”

They stood in what appeared to be a dungeon, the knee deep water they were standing in started to turn red from the blood of the guards they had just killed. Ellana looked up from where she started cleaning her daggers. 

“Wait, are you telling me that we just travelled through time? Do you know if we went forward or back, and is it possible to get back?”

Dorian looked thoughtful for a moment. “Those are very good questions, but we’re not going to get any answers standing around here. I suggest we look around, and see where the rift took us.” 

They searched the bodies of the guards and managed to find a key. Opening the door to the cell, they cautiously made their way forward through the dark hallway. As they slowly made their way upwards to more cells, Ellana stopped to inspect the red lyrium that seemed to grow out of the walls. 

“This lyrium didn’t get here naturally. So how did it get here, and why is it everywhere?” She asked, looking over at Dorian who had stopped next to her. 

“I have no idea, but my advice is that we try not to linger too long. I don’t even want to think about what kind of effects it could have on us.”

Ellana nodded and moved forward through the halls again. As they explored the cells, she tried her hardest not to think about the consequences of moving through time. They needed to find out what happened quick or else she was going to start losing her mind. 

They somehow managed to find Varric and Cassandra locked up in a couple of the cells. As they started to explain what happened in the past year since Ellana and Dorian were sent to the future, Ellana fought the panic that began to rise in her. She wanted to ask about her clan, about her  _ family _ . Did they know what happened? Did they think she had been killed as well, or did they believe she had simply abandoned them? Were they even still alive?

She wanted to know. She  _ needed  _ to know. She opened her mouth to ask the question - but no. She couldn’t do that to herself. If they managed to find the way back to their own time, then none of this would even matter. Her family would still be safe, and she would be there to make sure they stay that way. 

Ellana realized that the others had stopped talking and were looking at her. She looked back at them, unsure of what to say. Dorian, seeming to understand where her thoughts were taking her, leaned forward and touched her arm gently. 

“We will make it back to our own time. I will not let Alexius get away with this,” he said, voice growing bitter as he mentioned the Magister’s name. 

Ellana took a deep breath and looked at her companions. “There’s a- there’s people who are depending on me to be there, and who need me to protect them. We cannot afford to fail.”

 

\-----

 

Redcliffe had been a huge shitshow. There wasn’t really any other way to describe it. The whole travelling into the future, red lyrium everywhere, being forced to watch people die for her. It didn’t matter if that future had been erased, it still happened. She saw it happen. The images of Varric and Cassandra being cast aside as if they were nothing, and of Leliana being cut down in front of her was seared in Ellana’s mind. 

The first thing she did after her and Dorian came back through the rift was punch Alexius in the face. It was incredibly satisfying. 

_ At least we got an alliance with the mages _ , Ellana thought as she made her way down a snowy path in Haven.  _ Now we’re one step closer _ .

A cabin came into view as she rounded a corner. Careful not to slip in the snow, she walked towards the figure standing outside it. Not for the first time, Ellana was thankful she was wearing boots. She had been apprehensive about them at first, but now she rarely wanted to take them off. 

Dorian turned to look at her as she stood beside him. “The Inquisition supports free mages. What’s next? Elves running Halamshiral? Cows milking farmers?”

Ellana smirked and crossed her arms. “Give me time. I’m sure I’ll surprise you.”

“I suspect that’s untrue.” He paused for a moment before lifting an eyebrow at her and continuing, “Unless you strip yourself naked and allow the Chantry to flog you into repentance. Now that  _ would  _ surprise me.”

“I’d like to see them try,” she said, her smirk turning into something else. 

Dorian let out a short bark of laughter. “Yes indeed. Now, as lovely as picturing you naked has been, I suspect that’s not why you came to talk to me.”

Ellana dropped her arms, putting her hands on her hips. 

“I just wanted to see how you were settling in. It seems you managed to get a nice spot to yourself.”

“Ah yes. Well it’s an easy thing to accomplish when no one wants to be anywhere near the scary Tevinter mage.”

Ellana frowned. “Has there been any problems?”

Dorian gave her a reassuring pat on the arm. “Nothing that I couldn’t handle. Though, I could probably do without the glares from your elven friend.”

They both turned to look at Solas who was standing outside the cabin across from them. He wasn’t facing them, but Ellana could make out the frown on his lips. 

“Now that I think about it, it might just be his default.”

Ellana sighed and turned back to Dorian. “I’ll talk to you later Dorian.”

“I look forward to it,” he said as he crossed his arms and leaned against the side of the building. 

She walked towards Solas, who was still not looking in her direction. He was looking at something in the distance, arms folded behind his back. Ellana saw that he was still frowning. 

She stood next to him, facing the same direction he was and tried to see if she could find what he was looking at. 

“If you keep frowning like that  _ ha’hren _ , you’ll get more wrinkles.”

He sighed. “I’m not actually as old as you think I am, Ellana.”

Ellana turned to him. “Oh, so I’m just ‘Ellana’ now?” she teased. 

“Would you rather I call you  _ da’lan  _ again?” The frown had disappeared, his lips slightly curled upwards at the edges. 

“I am not a child.”

“I noticed,” he said, voice lowering slightly. He glanced at her, eyes looking her up and down. 

Ellana could feel the tips of her ears grow hot. That part was new between them. The flirting. A few days ago he had called her  _ graceful  _ and she had somehow managed not to make a fool of herself. It had been years since she had done this and she was sorely out of practice. Sometimes she wished she had her sister’s confidence when it came to things like this. 

She cleared her throat awkwardly. “Ah, yes. Well I should be going. I have to discuss a few things with Leliana. Now that we have the mages’ support, we need to prepare to march on the Breach.”

His features lost the teasing edge, and he went back to looking serious. “Of course. My apologies for keeping you.”

Ellana waved away his apology. “Don’t worry about it. I- I like talking with you.”

The smiled returned then. “Anytime.”

She smiled back, hoping that he assumes the redness of her cheeks is from the cold. Ellana turned and walked away, still trying to will away the blush. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not super thrilled about the first half, so editing might happen. But I'm too tired to do anything about it right now.


	4. A Test of Faith

The Breach was immense, and just as intimidating as she remembered it. She stood before it, hand crackling with green light, while the mages took their places around her. Everyone was oddly quiet, making the sounds from the Breach seem like a roar. The air felt heavy with magic, and her apprehension grew by the minute.

_What if this doesn’t work?_

Ellana peered over her shoulder to see The Iron Bull standing next to Blackwall. She had decided to bring a couple of her more heavy hitters in case more demons spawned from the rift. The memory of that Pride demon was not a fond one.

Iron Bull caught her eye and winked. Oddly enough, that was what helped her gain some of her confidence back. She smiled and winked back, turning to look at the mages, and soldiers who were gathered. Ellana could see the fear in their eyes, but also their determination. They believed in their cause, and that she will be able to succeed. She felt the weight of that responsibility, but she would bear it. They deserved nothing less from her.

Ellana straightened herself,and looked down at her palm. She watched the green light swirl around the Mark for a second before closing it in a fist and stepping forward.

“Mages!” Cassandra called out, bringing them all to attention.

Solas held his staff above his head and addressed the mages. “Focus past the Herald! Let her will draw from you!”

Ellana continued forward to the Breach, as it sparked to life and bathed her in green light. She pushed through it, hand outstretched and crackling. She could feel the Mark growing stronger, the magic from the mages flowing through her. Ellana closed her eyes and focused, willing the Breach to close. _Close. Please, close. Just fucking close._

When she reached her hand up, light shot out of it, hitting the tear in the sky. The light grew brighter and brighter, before there was a great _roar_ and she was blown backwards. She landed with a thud, feeling a sharp pain shoot up her spine.

She slowly picked herself up, hearing the people behind her do the same. It was a little anti-climatic to be honest. Ellana had been expecting a demon, or fifty, to come out of the rift.

Cassandra came up behind her, reaching out to help her to her feet. “You did it,” she said, a slightly awed look on her face. That seemed to break the spell, and everyone began to yell out and cheer with relief.

They entered Haven like heroes, the celebrations having begun as soon as the Breach was closed. Ellana walked through the crowd as people reached out to touch her. Just as she was starting to feel uncomfortable, Bull walked in front of her, making sure that the people were out of her way. People were singing, and someone had brought out several casks of ale.

At some point, someone shoved a drink into her hand and she subtly poured it out, hoping no one would notice. The leftover magic from closing the Breach was still making her stomach roll uneasily. She knew that adding alcohol to the mix would just make it worse.

Ellana found an isolated spot on the wall in front of the Chantry, above the partygoers. Many were dancing around bonfires, and she could hear the occasional, “to the Herald!” as people toasted to her.

The crunching of snow under boots caught her attention, and Ellana turned her head to see Cassandra walking towards her.

“Solas confirms the heavens are scarred, but calm. The breach is sealed. We’ve reports of lingering rifts and many questions remain.” Cassandra watched the people below them for a moment before turning back to her. “But this is a victory. Word of your heroism has spread. Though I admit, I never thought you would stay for this long. You were not fond of us at the beginning if I recall.”

Ellana shrugged. “What can I say? You are all growing on me.” Cassandra let out a snort and Ellana smirked. They stood silently for a moment before she sighed, shoulders dropping.

“My clan never hated humans, and they actually got along with them quite well. But I- I don’t exactly have the… greatest history with humans. Waking up in chains didn’t exactly help with that.” She smiled again at Cassandra’s uncomfortable look. “It wasn’t a lie though. You really are all growing on me. And I can’t leave, even though I want to. I can’t. I’ve seen what will happen if the Inquisition fails, and that’s something I will not let take place. You can trust that I will see this to the end.”

Cassandra regarded her for a moment, seemingly considering something. Finally, she gave Ellana a respectful nod. “Thank you.”

They fell into a companionable silence. Ellana looked over the celebrating people and let her mind wander. She thought about what she would write in her next letter to her family. Her sister would love to hear about seeing the dragon in the Hinterlands. Ellana smiled as she pictured the look on her sister’s face - she would be so jealous.

Maybe her-

The loud ringing of the alarm bells cut across her thoughts and drew her attention to the gate. People had stopped singing and dancing, and were looking around in confusion. The Commander had started issuing orders, and calling people to arms as he rushed to the gates.

Ellana could see torches of light moving along the mountains. Panic set in as others noticed the army marching towards them, and people began to scream.

Cassandra drew her sword and started to move. “We must get to the gates!” Ellana drew her own blades and followed.

When they reached the gate, they were joined by Leliana and Josephine, and many of her companions. Cassandra immediately began to demand answers from Cullen. He explained what a scout had seen, and Ellana mirrored Josephine’s shock at there being no banner.

_What the fuck is going on?_

The sudden banging on the gate caused everyone to tense. Ellana tightened the grip on her daggers, when a voice called out from the other side.

“I can’t come in unless you open!”

 

\-----

 

At the final turn of the lever, Ellana turned to the soldier behind her, yelling for him to release the trebuchet. It sprung forward, releasing the projectile into the side of the mountain. The earth trembled and the mountain seemed to collapse as the snow swept away the soldiers that were marching below it. Inquisition soldiers cheered as the torch lights disappeared.

Ellana allowed herself a small moment of relief. The opposing army was still coming towards them, but now they might just have a chance.

She opened her mouth to tell her companions to start going back when a different kind of trembling started. Loud _thuds_ like thunder moving towards them and a screeching roar was all the warning they got before the trebuchet exploded.

Ellana flew backwards, and slammed into the ground. Her vision went dark for a second, and she struggled to get back to her feet, face stinging with pain. All around her, Inquisition soldiers were lying in the snow. Many had parts from the trebuchet embedded in them, and she noticed that more than a couple had body parts missing. No one was moving.

She took a step forward and cried out when her left leg refused to support her weight. Looking down, she could see a small piece of wood sticking out of it. Ellana tried to take another step before she faltered again, and would have hit the ground if a pair of arms hadn’t caught her.

Sera put an arm around her waist, as Ellana put one of hers around her shoulders for support. They took a few steps before she realized that Sera was talking. “-uck was that? I didn’t sign up for this shite!” More creative swears were muttered under her breath as they made their way towards the gates following Blackwall. Bull walked behind them guarding their backs.

A large shadow passed over them, and Ellana looked up to see a dragon flying above. It made another loud screech, causing her blood to run cold.

_Mythal’s mercy._

“Oh that’s just messed up!” Bull yelled behind her.

“Let’s just get to the gates,” she said through gritted teeth.

They finally made it through the gates, Cullen closing the door behind them. He offered to help take her to the Chantry, but she waved him off, telling him to hurry ahead. Their way towards the Chantry was slower than she would have liked, but she still had trouble walking and was forced to put most of her weight on Sera. When the Red Templars breached the wall, she hung back, shooting arrows alongside Sera, while Blackwall and Bull rushed forward, weapons drawn. Ellana decided to take as many detours as possible, trying to save the citizens that were still scattered in Haven. She tried not to think about the ones she might have missed.

 

\-----

 

She gasped in pain as the piece of wood was pulled out. Solas’ hands were gentle as he healed her wound and bandaged her leg. Ellana raised her head to continue her conversation with the Commander.

“We’re overrun. To hit the enemy, we’d bury Haven.”

“We’re dying, but we can decide how. Many don’t get that choice,” he said, voice oddly calm.

Ellana thought of the soldiers, lying dead out in the snow. She stood up from the chair with Solas’ help, testing her weight on her leg.

“Yes that.”

They all turned to look at Cole, the young man who had given them warning at the gate, who was currently kneeling next to Rodrick. Ellana had almost forgotten he was there.

“Chancellor Roderick can help. He wants to say it before he dies.”

Roderick’s voice was weak as he told them about the secret passage out of Haven, and him being the only one still alive who knows of it. “This could be more than mere accident. _You_ could be more.”

Ellana looked to the Commander, “What about it Cullen, will it work?”

“Possibly,” He started, looking thoughtful. “ _If_ he shows us the path. But what of your escape?”

She let her silence answer for her.

“Perhaps you will surprise it. Find a way…” Cullen turned to the survivors still in the Chantry, telling them to follow the Chancellor out. Ellana beckoned to her companions, moving towards the doors. She only took a couple steps before she felt a pull on her hand.

Turning, she looked at Solas who was gripping her tightly, concern written all over his face. “Please _lethal’lan_. Be careful, you must come back.”

She studied his face. The furrow of his brows, the down turn of his lips. Those eyes that seem to draw her in…

Ellana looked around the Chantry. She watched her companions help the citizens and the injured. These people who had begun to inch their way past her defences. People who she had tentatively started to call her friends. What did they see when they looked back at her? Did they only see Andraste’s chosen, or did they see the terrified elven woman she knew she was.

She turned back to Solas, noting Blackwall, Bull and Sera waiting for her by the doors out of the corner of her eye.

“I will,” she said, slowly taking her hand out of his as she walked away. Ellana straightened her shoulders, and refused to let herself look back.

 

\-----

 

Solas stood at the edge of the camp, peering out into the darkness. The temperature continued to drop, and the wind had begun to pick up. Soon it would become a blizzard, and he feared that no one would be able to make it through.

Cassandra was pacing next to him, torn between going out to search and staying with the camp.  Neither of them spoke, instead waiting for something that looked increasingly like it would never happen.

Suddenly, he could see figures moving towards them. Cassandra stopped pacing and looked towards them. Her stance stiffened and Solas could tell she realised the same thing he did.

There were only three.

When the figures got closer to the light, Solas could see a grim faced Blackwall followed by The Iron Bull pulling along a struggling Sera. Cassandra rushed towards them.

“ _Maker_. Where is…” She trailed off as Bull gave a small shake of his head. Cassandra let out a small cry, a mix of anguish and frustration.

Solas felt like he had been dunked in cold water. He looked passed the others in the direction they came from, thinking of the last thing he had said to her.

_You must come back._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if it seems too heavy with the game dialogue. I hope I found a good balance between the game dialogue and my own though. I find it so boring to write but it's needed sometimes.  
> And of course, let me know if you spot any mistakes. It's greatly appreciated.


	5. Promises Made, Promises Broken

The freezing wind felt biting as it whipped against her face. Ellana hugged her arms tighter against herself in an attempt to get warm. The cold seeped through her leathers, and she could barely feel her toes or fingers. 

The wound on her leg had reopened, and blood dripped onto the snow as she struggled through it. It was just  _ so cold _ , and she could feel her thoughts slowing down. All Ellana could focus on was putting one foot in front of the other, moving forward in what she hoped was the right direction. She could hear the slow howling of wolves in the distance behind her. The sound set her on edge and Ellana gritted her teeth, willing herself to move faster.

_ Fen’Harel can fuck right off. I am not dying today _ .

After what felt like hours, the wind began to die down. Ellana could finally see in front of her, though she was still frozen. Her leg was getting even worse, and she knew that she would not last much longer. 

A sudden howl caused her to jump. It felt far too close and she pushed farther. She began to steadily lose her vision, breath coming in short pants. Ellana’s thoughts were becoming jumbled, and she could have sworn she saw a light and the silhouettes of people. 

Her legs finally gave out, and she fell face first into the snow, numb from the pain and the cold. Ellana closed her eyes, letting a final coherent thought come forward.

_ Ir abelas. I couldn’t keep my promise, forgive me. _

And at last, she was swept into unconsciousness. 

 

\-----

 

Soft whispers surround her, almost like a caress against her skin. A small figure stood in front of her, with dark hair and bright eyes. She automatically reached out, an intense desire to protect flowing through her. Small hands grab onto her, holding tight.

They don’t let go. She doesn’t want them to.

_ You’ll come back? Promise? _

_ I promise da’lan. I promise I will always come back. _

 

\-----

 

Ellana woke up violently. She sat straight up, a strangled scream leaving her lips. By habit, she reached her hand to where she usually kept her knife. Coming up empty, she panicked and begun to swing her fists. She didn’t register the voices beside her, but the hand on her arm caused her to struggle harder, fist connecting with something solid. 

She screamed louder, switching between cursing in elven and the common tongue. Ellana managed a couple more swings before she suddenly felt exhausted. She slowly laid back down, the hands on her skin no longer bothering her. As her eyes grew heavy, the voices around her faded, and she welcomed the darkness once again.

 

\-----

 

The next time she woke, it was more peaceful. Ellana opened her eyes slowly, unaware of where she was. Pain shot through her, causing her to gasp and tense up.

“Look who’s awake.”

She turned her head to see Dorian sitting on a stool next to her cot. Not comprehending what was going on, she stared at his face for a minute before the realization hit her.

The Breach. 

Haven destroyed. 

The archdemon. 

_ Corypheus _ . 

Heart pounding, she sat up on the small cot. Ellana wrestled with her blanket, wanting to get up, but a hand stopped her.

“Easy there Shiny. You don’t want your wounds to reopen.”

She looked passed Dorian to see Varric standing near the opening to her tent. He appeared to be calm, but the grip on Bianca said otherwise.

“Shiny?” Ellana croaked out, mouth dry.

He relaxed the grip on his crossbow and smiled. “I’m working on it.”

“Where are we?”

Dorian and Varric exchanged a look before Dorian answered her. “Not dead, if that’s what you were wondering. As for where we are, we’re a couple of days from Haven. That’s all we know.”

“We were all worried about you,” Varric said, passing her a cup of water. “You’ve been out for three days. People have been wondering if you were going to die anyways. You seem to have a talent for not dying when you should have.”

Dorian nodded in agreement as Ellana winced. 

“Did something happen when I was unconscious?” She said, gesturing to Bianca, which was still in Varric’s hand.

“Just a precaution,” he said, slinging the crossbow onto his back. “You weren’t very talkative the first time you woke up.”

“The first time?” Ellana glanced to Dorian, raising an eyebrow. 

He just smirked. “You punched Cassandra.”

“I punched-” Ellana groaned and put her head in her hands. 

“I wouldn’t worry about it,” Varric assured her. “I’m sure the Seeker’s just happy that you’re still alive.” Ellana figured it would have been more sincere if he didn’t say it with a huge grin on his face. Still, she made a mental note to herself to apologize to Cassandra later. 

Dorian refilled her water, and she took a sip as her eyelids began to droop. Suddenly she was very aware of how tired she was. The other two seem to realize it as well, and Varric took the cup from her as Dorian helped her lay back down.

“We’ll have time to talk later,” said Dorian, as she closed her eyes.

Varric snorted, “I’m sure Buttercup will want to have a few words. And someone else is definitely coming to mind.”

“I’ll be here when you wake.” She couldn’t tell who said that, their voice sounded far away.

“ _ Ma serannas _ ,” Ellana mumbled, drifting off to sleep.

 

\-----

 

The Inquisition soldiers and the survivors from Haven had been talking about her non-stop. Her survival against the Elder One in Haven and the impromptu singing in the camp had only reaffirmed their belief that she was Chosen by Andraste.

Ellana still thought it was ridiculous. Her, a Dalish elf, sent by Andraste? She had her own gods to believe in. Well, she mostly believed.

Still, her objections to being called Herald had been ignored. She had taken to pretending not to hear when someone addressed her, only acknowledging them when they became frustrated enough to use her name. Some took longer than others. 

Sera had indeed had some words for her. She cornered Ellana after the first day of their march North through the mountains. Except her version of words happened to be more like a punch to the shoulder as she told Ellana to, “Never sacrifice her arse like that again.”

Travel was slow, which Ellana was secretly grateful for. Walking on her leg was still painful, but it was improving every day. She split her time between leading in the front with Solas, and falling back to the rest of the Inquisition. She checked up on those still wounded and tried to offer assistance where she could. 

Ellana absently ran her fingers over the fresh scar on the side of her face. It had become a habit over the last few days, and she often caught herself touching it. The scar cut through the silver vallaslin that covered her face, which had made her angry at first. It seemed that she was constantly being marked. There was probably some symbolic meaning behind it that she was simply too tired to look into.

An elven woman caught her eye. She was pulling along a young girl and struggling to carry what looked like all of their meager possessions. They both looked exhausted. Pity came over her, and she wished that she could lend her horse to them, but the animal was needed to help with the wounded. She had been surprised, and happy, when she discovered that her horse survived. She had bonded quickly with the gelding, and was tired of things being ripped away from her. 

Making a decision, Ellana walked over the woman. Her eyes widened as Ellana approached, and the elven woman stammered out a greeting. 

“Here, let me help.” Ellana picked up the small elven girl and settled her on her hip, ignoring the protest from her leg. The mother gave her a grateful smile, which she returned. The girl almost immediately laid her head on Ellana’s shoulder, falling asleep. On impulse, she tightened her grip, holding onto her more securely. 

An itch on the back of her neck told her that she was being watched. She carefully turned her head, not wanting to wake the child, to see who it might be. Close by, she saw Bull walking with his Chargers, watching her intently. His face betrayed nothing of what he was thinking, and only quirked his eyebrow when he saw her looking. Ellana turned back around, somewhat irritated, and concentrated on the small body in her arms. 

 

\-----

 

There really was no one word that could be used to describe Skyhold. When she first laid eyes on the keep, the sight left her breathless. The first thing that came to mind was,  _ safe _ . Walking past the people that had gathered around the courtyard she heard more. 

_ Defensible.  _

_ Warm. _

_ Home. _

To her, home was the smell of the forest and the sway of the aravels as they sailed across the land. It was brushing out the Halla’s coats, and carefully braiding hair with her hands. It was the thrill of a successful hunt. It was listening to her sister hum, off-tune, beside the fire and a hand in hers. 

Walking up the solid stone steps behind Cassandra, she knew her definition of home was changing. At first, all she wanted was to close the Breach so she could return to her clan. Use the Mark, close the Breach, go home. It was a solid plan, really. 

In truth, Corypheus changed everything. He threatened everything she called, or could ever call, home. Holding the large sword in her hand, Ellana felt the weight of it all. The people of the Inquisition trusted her, and they needed her as much as she needed them. 

She thrust the sword into the sky, remembering all of the promises and decisions she made to get to this point. She will see this through.

As the people cheered, Ellana added a new word.

_ Inquisitor _ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tenses are hard. 
> 
> Also, I know I didn't say it before, but almost all elven used is thanks to Project Elvhen by FenxShiral. Seriously, it's a great resource.


	6. I Shouldn't, But I Do

The repairs to Skyhold were moving along at a surprisingly fast pace. Ellana had only been gone for a month, and already the keep was more than fit for habitation. Scaffolding was still everywhere, but the Great Hall was warm and welcoming. 

That was exactly how she wanted it. Before her team left Skyhold, Ellana asked Josephine if it would be possible to include some of her Dalish heritage in the decor. When she saw the delicate stained glass windows upon her return, she knew that the Ambassador had taken her request to heart. It had been those small touches that lessened her homesickness. Now if only she could get the wall outside the War Room fixed. 

She had spent most of the day in the War Room with her advisors, only with the occasional break for food. Ellana returned from the Fallow Mire early that morning, not even having time to wash off the grime that coated her skin before she was whisked away to discuss plans. They were still trying to secure an invitation to Halamshiral, and there was a list of problems that had been waiting for her. 

Ellana was tired of staring at that map, and she was tired of settling petty arguments between nobles. Leliana had finally taken pity on her and concluded the meeting when the sun had set and she had drifted off for the third time in the middle of the conversation. All she was looking forward to now was a hot bath and sleep. Not necessarily in that order.

She dragged her feet through Josephine’s office and into the empty Great Hall, mind going over what she needed to do the next day. Varric’s contact had arrived not long after she did, and she had yet to meet them. Hopefully, she could set up a time in the morning. She had a feeling her afternoon would be spent protecting Varric from the pointy end of Cassandra’s sword. 

Ellana was moving towards her quarters when flickering light from under a doorway across the Hall caught her attention. Before she realized what she was doing, she was pushing open the door looking for the source. 

The rotunda was different from when she last saw it. For one, it was cleaner, but now it looked lived in, comforting. The biggest difference was the half-finished mural on the wall across from her. Ellana was drawn to it, and she stood in front of it, trying not to trace it with her fingertips. 

“Do you like it?”

She whipped around to see Solas standing next to her. She hadn’t heard him come towards her, and cursed silently to herself. Her exhaustion must be taking a toll on her hunter’s instincts. 

_ It’s beautiful _ , she wanted to say. Instead what came out was, “Did you do this?”

The candlelight danced over his face, showing the amused glint in his eye. 

“Yes,” was all he said as he faced the mural. 

Ellana looked at him. Really looked. This was the first time they had been alone since Haven. She had been wanting to talk about their moment with him, but between finishing up with things in the Hinterlands, and the clusterfuck that had been the Fallow Mire, she never got the chance. They had conversations of course, it would be hard to spend a month in such close quarters without doing so, but it was always within earshot of the others. And rarely about anything truly personal. He never even told her he could do this.

“I really don’t know much about you do I?”  _ Shit _ , Ellana thought. She hadn’t meant to say that out loud.

He gave a sad smile, not looking at her. “So it would seem.”

They stayed like that for a while. Her watching Solas, while he looked at the fresco, sad expression still on his face.

Solas finally turned to her, apparently coming to a decision. “All right. Let’s talk. Preferably somewhere more interesting than this.”

\-----

They stood in the dungeon in the basement of the Chantry. Ellana stared at the spot where she had sat, chained and accused of destroying the Conclave.

_ Had it really only been months ago?  _ It felt so much longer than that.

And Solas had been right there with her. She knew he had saved her from the mark, but listening to him talk about it now made it feel… somehow more. 

Snow fell gently around them as they walked out of the Chantry. Haven was laid out before them, and Ellana was simultaneously listening to Solas, and trying to figure out why the view felt so wrong to her. 

“The Breach threatened the whole world. Where did you plan to go?” She asked him.

“Someplace far away where I might research a way to repair the Breach before its effects reached me.” He gave her a small smile before continuing, “I never said it was a good plan.”

He turned towards the Breach, hand outstretched. Ellana became distracted by the green light as Solas described his attempts to close it.  _ Why does this look so wrong? _ She suddenly focused back on him when something he said caught her attention. 

“Felt the whole world change?” 

He looked slightly uncomfortable, like it had come out accidentally. “A figure of speech.”

Ellana slowly moved closer to him. “Yes, I know that. I’m more interested in ‘felt.’”

His small smile returned. “You change… everything.”

They lapsed into silence. Both turning away from each other. Ellana glanced at him and was struck by how beautiful he looked. Her heart started to beat faster.

She reached out, cupping his cheek and turning him to face her. 

“Sweet talker,” she said quietly, raising herself up to press a gentle kiss to his lips. 

It was quick, chaste almost. Ellana let go of him, starting to turn around as she could feel her face heat up. The sudden hand on her waist prevented her from moving any farther, and she was pulled back in, his lips on hers. 

His kiss was more forceful than hers had been, bordering on desperate. His hands gripped her hips as he held her close. Ellana’s eyes slid shut as she lost herself in the kiss, her hands moving to his forearms to keep him there. She didn’t know how long it went on for. She didn’t even care.

They pulled apart, foreheads touching. Ellana could feel his warm breath on her lips. 

“I can’t”, she heard him whisper.

Her eyes shot open to look at him. Solas kept his closed. 

“Wake up,” he said, voice still a whisper.

In her warm bed at Skyhold, she did just that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to post this earlier, but I forgot. I had a busy, but pretty cool week. I went to a concert out of town. Lost my voice, but it was totally worth it.


	7. Dead Men Tell No Lies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at me! Not updating at 1AM! 
> 
> As always, if you see a mistake or something let me know.

Waking up the next morning had been difficult. Ellana didn’t know who she was more angry with, herself or Solas. She was angry with herself for not realizing that they were in the Fade, and with him for not telling her. Though, she guessed that there had been enough clues for her.

And then there was the kiss. 

That brief moment of madness that Ellana refused to regret. At first she had, but then he  _ kissed her back _ , and Fade or no, it was real. It felt real. She didn’t think that her imagination was that good that she could make up how his lips had felt on hers. How it felt to grip him tight and pull him closer. Now, she had a warm feeling that spread through her chest every time she thought about it. She hadn’t felt like this in years, and it was as terrifying as it was exhilarating. 

But she would give Solas his space as promised, and give him the time he needed to think about it. Mythal knows she needed to do the same. As excited as it made her feel, she wasn’t sure if she was even ready anything like this. Besides, there was a current… matter that needed her attention.

_ Creators, Cassandra is going to be pissed _ .

Ellana looked between Varric and the man in front of her. Every time she did so, Varric took another drink. She wondered if this was even his first bottle. 

The air on the battlements was crisp, and Ellana wished she had at least put on a cloak over her blue silk tunic. Of course, she had something else on her mind when she rushed out of her quarters that morning.

The Champion of Kirkwall, or just Hawke as he asked her to call him, wasn’t quite how she had imagined the mage to be. He was tall and broad shouldered, with muscles that looked like he swung a sword instead of a staff, nothing like the softer appearance of most of the mages from the Circles. His full beard and thick eyebrows gave him an intense look, but remembering most of Varric’s stories, Ellana knew it wasn’t quite the reflection of his character.

“Alright, so do you have any tips on defeating Corypheus?”

Smiling, Hawke leaned his back against the battlements and crossed his arms. “Other than dropping a mountain on him, you mean?”

“If you have anything bigger than that, I’m all ears,” Ellana said as she leaned forward next to him, looking out to the courtyard.

He let out a short laugh and turned around, becoming thoughtful as he watched the people move about their business below them. “I don’t know what to tell you. Varric probably already explained, but we  _ did  _ defeat him. It must have something to do with his connection to the Wardens.”

Ellana perked up at that. “What kind of connection?”

Varric answered, “Corypheus was their prisoner when we found him. But he was somehow controlling the Wardens. Influencing them by getting into their heads.”

“Do you think he could still be doing that?” She asked, looking between the two of them.

“There’s only one way to find out,” Hawke said. “I have a contact within the Wardens, a man by the name of Stroud. We were investigating something else, but he was worried about corruption within the ranks.”

“Could that corruption be Corypheus?”

“It’s possible,” he said. “I was just hoping that the Wardens would know more about the strange red lyrium that the Templars were using in Kirkwall.”

Something clicked in her memories. “There were Templars at Haven, fighting with Corypheus. They didn’t look right, more like monsters than men. I would bet that they were infected by the red lyrium.”

“Then it looks like it all might be connected after all.” They moved off the wall and stood, facing each other. “My friend told me that he’s hiding in an old smugglers cave near Crestwood. Hopefully he will know more.”

“Alright, I’ll organize a party and we can meet you there. Varric,” Ellana said, turning to the dwarf, “I assume you’ll be joining us?” 

Varric smirked, “Well someone needs to keep him out of trouble.”

Hawke put his hand to his heart in mock offense, “Me? Get in trouble? In my defense, trouble usually seems to find me”

“And that’s something you both have in common.”

Ellana smiled at the two of them. “I’ll inform my advisors, and hopefully we can set out soon. It was an honour meeting you Hawke.” 

She offered her hand out to him to shake and he grasped it. “The honour is all mine, Inquisitor. I’ll see you in Crestwood.”

Ellana nodded a goodbye, and left, making her way to the battlement steps. She smiled a bit when she heard a comment from Hawke behind her, just before she was out of earshot.

“I can see what you mean Varric.”

When she got to the courtyard, she debated practicing with her weapons, but she was still sore from her activities in the Fallow Mire. Maybe Vivienne would have something to help sooth her aching muscles. 

Ellana decided to go find the mage after talking with her advisors. She just hoped that her trip to Crestwood would be better than the Mire. It couldn’t be worse at least.

\-----

It was worse. It was much worse. Not only were the living trying to kill them, but the dead as well. And demons. And a dragon if they were to get close enough. Not to mention the constant rain. Ellana couldn’t remember the last time she was dry, and it was starting to grate on her nerves.

_ I should ask for a pay raise next War Council meeting _ , Ellana thought as yet another small hoard of dead stumbled towards them. 

The only one who didn’t look absolutely miserable was Bull. Which actually wasn’t all that surprising. He was practically bouncing with glee like a small child the closer they got to Caer Bronach, but that was nothing compared to his reaction when the dragon flew overhead. Ellana couldn’t imagine anyone else being that excited at the prospect of fighting a  _ dragon.  _ Though, her sister did come to mind. 

Dorian dragged his feet next to her, muttering curses in Tevine every other step. His mustache drooped thanks to the rain, and Ellana would have laughed if she didn’t feel how his mustache looked. 

They had yet to meet with Hawke and his Warden friend. Her immediate concern upon entering Crestwood was the rift in the lake which caused endless undead to walk up out of the water. The people in the village were desperate, and Ellana agreed to help without hesitation.

It didn’t mean she had to enjoy it. The sound her blades make when they slice into the undead would haunt her for a long time. 

They quickly dispatched the corpses and approached the keep. No warnings were sound, so it didn’t seem like the bandits noticed them. They stood in front of the door, and Ellana looked to her companions. “Should we say hello?”

As an answer, Bull kicked open the door and ran in with a loud roar. Dorian rolled his eyes and rushed after him, making sure Bull at least had a barrier, while Varric laid some cover fire. 

The bandits were surprised to say the least. They obviously hadn’t been expecting a battle crazed Qunari to suddenly appear swinging a giant two-handed battleaxe. They recovered quickly though, and soon were coming at the small party from all sides. 

Ellana was everywhere at once, the bandits had almost no time to realize she was there before she attacked, targeting the spots that offered a quick death. 

A man ran towards her swinging a sword, and she met him with a snarl. When he got close enough, she dropped low, slicing her dagger upwards through his gut. He dropped to the ground and Ellana sensed movement behind her. Turning quickly, she saw another man rushing towards her. She raised her daggers to meet the blow when he suddenly burst into flames with bloodcurdling screams. Ignoring the smell of burning flesh, she made a note to give Dorian a bottle of wine later. 

Iron Bull finished off the last of the men with a loud cry. “There’s nothing like a good fight to get the blood flowing!”

“At least someone is happy,” Varric said, and Ellana made a noise of agreement. 

They began the less than pleasant task of moving the bodies, and looking for anything useful. When the funeral pyre was high, they grabbed the mounts and brought them to the keep. Ellana took the Inquisition standard from one of her saddlebags and went to the spot she discovered earlier where they could raise it. Dorian helped her attach it to the pole and soon it flew proudly over Caer Bronach.

Ellana looked out from the keep, she could still see the green light from the rift shining ominously from under the lake. They still needed to get to the dam and drain the lake, but she allowed herself to take a breather. She wasn’t sure when she would next get the chance. 

\-----

They returned to Skyhold with more fanfare than usual. Word that they had killed the High Dragon in Crestwood travelled more quickly than Ellana expected. People congratulated them when they rode through the gates and Bull loudly told everyone they passed. Guiding her horse towards the stables, Ellana spied a familiar bald elf standing on the dais in front of the main doors watching them. She smiled and ducked her head, choosing to ignore the smirk from Varric. With a promise to Bull to meet him at the Herald’s Rest later, she entered the stables and waved off the young man who offered to take her horse.

Ellana handed her saddle to one of the stable hands, and carefully brushed out the gelding’s coat. It was something she preferred to do herself, as it gave her a moment of peace before she was expected to return to her responsibilities. She was thinking of the next set of daggers she would ask Harritt to make for her, when a messenger ran into the stables. 

She put her fist to his chest and bowed her head.  _ Heidi _ , Ellana’s mind supplied helpfully as the woman raised her head and began to speak. “My Lady Inquisitor, your presence has been requested immediately in the War Room.”

“Thank you,” she said, and Heidi bowed her head again before leaving. Ellana patted the horse gently and finally allowed one of the stable hands to lead him away. 

Walking up the stone steps, she quickly thought over everything she needed to discuss with the council. The things Warden Stroud told her were disturbing, and they needed to head out for the the Western Approach as soon as they could. There was also the matter of tracking down the Mayor of Crestwood. The man was responsible for countless deaths during the Blight, and she would see to it that he would be punished. She was a little disappointed that Solas was no longer standing on the dais, but she decided that it would probably be best to seek him out later, and in a less public spot.

Ellana felt the pocket of her leathers, where she had stuck a couple of small dragon scales. She wanted to send them along with her next letter to her family. That would be more than enough to cause her sister to seethe with jealousy. 

When she opened the door to the War Room, Cullen, Josephine, and Leliana looked up, expressions somber. An unpleasant feeling twisted in her stomach and it only worsened when Leliana wordlessly handed her a letter. 

“It arrived last night Inquisitor,” Josephine said, but Ellana could only concentrate on unfolding the paper. She realized that there were two pages, and she read the one with her Keeper’s handwriting first.

 

_ Da’lan, _

 

_ I would not trouble you normally. You have enough on your shoulders, fighting ancient Tevinter Magisters while representing your people. Unfortunately, the rifts that plague this land have spread chaos and fear along with them, and many seek to take advantage of it. _

_ Bandits are attacking Clan Lavellan. The raiders are well armed and heavily armored, and they come in numbers our hunters cannot match. We had settled in a small unclaimed valley not far from Wycome, a safe place with few rifts - but these bandits may force us to seek a new home. If your Inquisition can help, you might save our clan much hardship. _

 

_ Dareth shiral _

_ Keeper Istimaethoriel Lavellan _

 

Her hands began to shake as she gripped the letter, out of anger or panic she wasn’t sure. Mostly likely a mix of both. It didn’t seem to matter what she did, or how much she sacrificed, her clan was always being put in danger. 

Cullen and Josephine immediately began to discuss solutions. She was about to snap at them before she remembered the second letter. She quickly flipped to it, feeling a small comfort in reading her sister’s words.

 

_ Dearest Ellana, _

 

_ First of all, stop. I know you, and I know how guilty you are feeling right now.  _ _ This is not on you. _

_ Second, there have been no casualties, so no need to stress about that. Many have been injured, but our brother is skilled, and Arlan is taking good care of them. _

_ Something isn’t right about these bandits. They fight in a way I have never experienced a mere bandit to fight. It’s too organized, and they seem almost trained. I won’t lie to you, I’m not sure how much longer we can keep them back. As skilled as we are, they have resources we simply do not have.  _

_ I have not forgotten what you told me Lana. Do not worry, I will keep to your plan. But I have hope, which is more than others in the Clan can say.  _

 

_ Dareth shiral, _

_ Ellora _

 

_ PS, Your moon is safe. You can breath easy sister. It would take more than a simple shem to get through me. _

 

When she was finished, Ellana was a little surprised to find tears prickling at the edge of her eyes. Facing the others, she realized that they had stopped talking. Cullen and Josephine looked concerned, while Leliana simply looked ready to receive instruction. 

“At your word, Inquisitor,” Leliana said. 

Taking a breath and finding her voice, Ellana said, “Leliana, I want your best agents on this. You know what to do.”

Leliana nodded, and quickly left the room, no doubt going to the rookery to send the necessary ravens. Her Commander and Ambassador looked confused, and before they could say anything, Ellana held up her hand stopping them. “Please. We can discuss this and other matters later. Dismissed.”

Without another word, Ellana left the War Room. She walked to the gardens and did something she had not done in a long time. 

She prayed.


	8. Facing Your Demons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll look it over and fix any mistakes tomorrow, but for now, enjoy!

A small bench in the garden became a place of solitude for her for the next few days. When she wasn’t in the War Room, or preparing for the trip to the Western Approach, she sat on her bench. No one disturbed her, of which she was grateful, but her thoughts were going to darker and darker places as time passed. She knew that she couldn’t continue this way for much longer.

Skyhold’s gardens were peaceful and had a small beauty to them. A few people walked around, and some were gardening. Ellana herself had planted a few herbs that could be used to healing. The walls surrounding it blocked the wind, and it was actually a lot warmer compared to other areas in the Keep.

When someone sat on the bench next to her, she didn’t look away from watching the Chantry sisters mill about the gardens. Ellana knew exactly who it was, and if she were honest with herself, he was a welcome distraction. Neither of them spoke, until she chose to break the silence.

“What am I doing wrong? I am the Inquisitor, but I still can’t protect my clan or my family. I’ve been reduced to praying and waiting on a bird.”

Solas seemed to gather his thoughts before he answered her. “You do all that you can, and more than is expected of you. I do not believe anyone would accuse you of failing to protect anyone, least of all your clan.”

“Then why does it feel like I failed?”

He gave a small sigh, “That I cannot answer.”

Ellana shifted on the bench, still keeping her gaze fixed forward. “They’re coming here. My family that is. It was something I asked Leliana to do for me after Redcliffe. If anything were to happen, then the Inquisition would protect them. If I couldn’t, then at least someone else could.” She grew quiet and put her head in her hands before she continued. “It wasn’t supposed to happen. They were supposed to be safe and away from all of this. I kept them apart from what we were doing so that they wouldn’t be caught up in it, and it turns out to be for nothing. What kind of-” She cut herself off and let out a frustrated growl into her hands. “What kind of person am I to just leave them behind for months without telling them when I’m coming back, and call it protection?”

A gentle hand touched hers, and Ellana lifted her head. Their eyes finally met, and her stomach fluttered at the look he gave her. Solas didn’t say anything more, he simply held onto her hand as she leaned her head on his shoulder. Ellana closed her eyes, letting the sounds from the garden wash over her, focusing on Solas’ steady breaths. For one small moment, she felt at peace.

\-----

“You bring me to the loveliest places,” Dorian said as he took off his boot, turning it over to let the sand pour out. They hadn’t been in the Approach long, but already everyone was miserable. The air was dry and hot, and sand got _everywhere_. It almost made Ellana long for the weather in Crestwood. Almost.

Ellana only grunted in reply. She’d been in a foul mood since they left Skyhold. The situation in the Western Approach had been too immediate for her to put off their trip until after her family arrived. She would have to wait until they were done in the Approach before she saw them.  As a result, the atmosphere in the party was tense. Varric had given up trying to lighten the mood early on, and Cole’s attempts at ‘helping’ only made it worse.

The fire in the camp crackled happily, and Ellana was grateful for its warmth. Though it was unbearably hot during the day, the desert at night was close to freezing. She picked at her stew, moving it around more so than actually eating it. She looked around the small camp, studying her companions. Dorian was still complaining about sand, and it being in places considerably more intimate than his boots. Ellana learned a long time ago to simply ignore him when he started up.

Hawke and Varric sat across from her on the other side of the fire. They had their heads bent towards each other, talking in hushed voices. Even with her superior hearing, Ellana couldn’t make out what they were saying. Cole sat a little ways to her right, pushing his own food around, kind of like her. It was another of Varric’s plans to help him on the road to being more human. He was still undecided on the subject of food. Stroud sat next to no one, saying nothing. Occasionally, he would look out past the edge of camp as if deep in thought. Ellana could only guess what the Warden was thinking.

It reminded her, strangely enough, of some of the fires back in the clan. The quiet nights had been some of her favourites. It gave her a break between the loud and boisterous meals that the elves would often have. Ellana recalled when she would teach the children how to carve halla figures by the fireside. It was something her father had often done, and of his three children, only Ellana seemed to get his talent for it. She decided to keep up the tradition after he was gone, remembering how they bonded over it.

“You miss her,” Cole said suddenly, bringing her attention back to him. At once everyone in the camp groaned.

“Please Kid, not this again,” Varric said, bordering on desperate.

“You miss all of them.” Ignoring Varric’s protests, Cole continued, “but with her it’s more. Like a part of yourself is gone. Your little moon. He makes it better, makes you feel closer to home. But he isn’t here to ease the hurt. He’s hurting too and it makes yours hurt more.”

“Please Cole, enough,” Ellana said, gripping her bowl tight as her face began to colour with anger and embarrassment. All eyes were on the two of them. Having her innermost thoughts and feelings advertised to her comrades was not something she looked forward to, especially about the people she knew he was talking about. Solas had been with them at the beginning, but after what happened to his spirit friend in the Exalted Plains, he had decided to leave and meet them back in Skyhold after their business in the Approach was done.

“Bright eyes, glistening with fresh tears, and salt stained cheeks. Please don’t go. Don’t leave. Does she hate me? Will she forgive me? I broke my promise. I didn’t come back-”

“I said enough!” Ellana yelled angrily, fire sparking as she threw her bowl into it. She stood, trying not to think of the tears she felt falling hotly onto her cheeks. Looking at the shocked expressions on her companions faces, she suddenly felt ashamed. She was not one for loud outbursts, preferring to keep her temper in check.

Leaving the campfire, Ellana walked towards her tent, throwing a quiet ‘sorry’ in Cole’s direction. From behind her, she could hear Varric try to console him.

“Maybe you should let her work this one out on her own, Kid.”

Curling up in her furs, she tried to ignore the sand that somehow ended up all over them. The sand did little to distract her, however, from the face that was waiting for her in her dreams.

\-----

Her stress and frustration didn’t lessen over the next few days. No one spoke to her unless it directly pertained to their mission. She finally reached her breaking point when they caught up to the Wardens in an ancient ritual tower. The fools were using blood magic in an attempt to stop any future Blights before they happened.

When the Magister, Erimond, ordered the Warden mages to attack her and her party, Ellana directed all of her frustrations to them. Most met their end by one of her arrows before one of her companions got to them, as she found with deadly efficiency. Though she managed to injure Erimond, the Venatori used a spell to knock them back to allow his escape.

Hawke got to his feet first, before reaching down to help Ellana up. “Damn blood mages. Are we going after him?”

Ellana shook her head, suddenly very tired. “No, we should get back to Skyhold as soon as possible. My advisors need to be made aware of this.”

The others nodded in agreement, Dorian muttering a not so quiet, “Finally,” under his breath. They gathered their mounts and prepared for the long journey, Ellana astride her grey gelding.

The closer they got to Skyhold, the more her anticipation grew. She couldn’t help her excitement and nervousness, knowing who might be waiting there for her. The others caught onto her mood, and a few jokes from Varric even had her laughing. It was a welcoming change from earlier. When they saw the gates of the keep, Ellana could barely sit still in the saddle.

Horns signaled their arrival, and she leaped off her horse when they reached the courtyard, throwing the reins to a surprised stablehand. She raced up the steps towards the Great Hall, looking everywhere for familiar brown hair. Nobles and other visitors greeted her as she passed them, but she only had time for polite nods in return, desperately searching for the ones she was hoping to see.

Unable to find who she was looking for, she went back to the entrance to the Hall, staring out the large doors and to the sky beyond.

“Inquisitor.” Ellana turned to the sound of the voice, coming face to face with Solas.

“Solas, hi. Are they…?” She let the question hang between them, hopeful. The sympathy in his eyes answered for him, and her heart dropped before he shook his head no. She tried not to let her disappointment show too much. “Oh... what about you? How are you doing?”

“It hurts. It always does, but I will survive.”

Ellana reached out and gently took his hand. “The next time you have to mourn, you don’t need to be alone.”

Solas gave her a small smile, and her stomach fluttered pleasantly. “It’s been so long since I could trust someone. Thank you.”

“Of course.” They stood there for a bit, and Ellana tried to think of anything more to say.

“There you are Inquisitor.” The two of them turned to see Leliana walking towards them. “I just received a raven, your guests are expected to arrive within the next few hours.”

Ellana broke out into a huge grin, looking between both of her companions. At Leliana’s encouraging look, and Solas’ nod, she dropped his hand and ran out through the doors. She went to the battlements above the main gate, determined to be the first to see them.

\-----

The sun had just begun to set when several horses came into view. As soon as she saw them, Ellana let out an excited noise and straightened up, causing Sera to jump from where she was sitting next to her.

“Hey! What the-” Sera began, but stopped when she saw where Ellana was pointing. It was still a few more slow minutes before the horses got close enough for her to make out any of the riders. They were in a formation, with four of the horses surrounding a fifth. Those were clearly Leliana’s agents, but it was the white one in the middle with two riders that held her attention. Both were cloaked, a small figure sitting in front of the other.

Ellana raised her arm, trying not to wave frantically as they approached. The taller rider raised theirs as well, suddenly breaking off from the others as the horse sprinted towards the gates. The other four carrying Leliana’s agents followed suit, trying to catch up. Ellana laughed, ignoring Sera’s questions as she ran down the stairs, skipping every other step as she went.

She reached the courtyard as the white mare entered through the gates, skidding to a stop. The hood of the cloak had been thrown back, showing her sister’s manic smile. Ellora leaned forward to whisper something in the ear of the one in front of her, twinkling with laughter as they struggled to get off the horse.

Ellana fell to her knees, unconcerned by the muddied earth as her sister helped down the small figure. Their hood fell away as the young girl ran towards her, tears streaming down her face.

“Mamae!” The girl cried as she leapt into her arms. Ellana felt her own tears fall as she gripped her tight, burying her face in her hair. She could hear shocked whispers around them, but it didn’t matter to her. Nothing else mattered, only the feeling of her daughter in her arms.


End file.
